Monthly Archives: April 2010

A terrible notion

this thing called fear.

Leeching your insides, second guessing your judgment. The terror unworthy of perpetrating your heart. It is your life, it is your money, you are an adult smart enough to manage it as so. Certainly there comes a time when a daughter is rewarded for using her mind.

timing and logic

LOGIC, the lack thereof
anxious to move forward
frustrated by time standing still

I push him, urge him, ask him
may we go shopping for a bed
so you can sleep soundly in your own space
me in mine

a rebuttal is all i get
he wants to go on a Saturday
he wants to wait for the doctors and their answers
he wants to be sure

sure. sure of what?
just a few weeks ago he was full steam ahead
No I don’t need physical therapy
No I don’t need to stay downstairs

I am not allowed to say no.
I have to grin and bear it and wait for next Saturday
Another week of restless sleep, and excuses not to come home
just so he can be sure.

The only thing to be sure of is that I will lose my mind
while he is whiling away the time of his refuge.
If I survive without mental harm,
I will surely need a chiropractor by then.

Tell me

What makes someone turn
their head in my direction?
Is it tangible:

the swing in my step,
the sun kissed tan of my legs,
or maybe, they caught

the shake of my head,
me laughing at a puppy:
that child within me.

I am all woman:
confident and insecure,
brave and yet frightened

Sexy innocent
bold mysterious, humble
with so much at stake,

how am I to know
what my future wisdom wants.
Soon it will call me

from an undefined
place, and I will contemplate
if I need to know

where my will takes me,
the decisions I will make,
if i will be here,

in the in between.
Will love find its way to me
before I grow old,

will I be alone
a lone, world traveler?
Should I, shouldn’t I.

My middle self thinks
’tis better to be surprised
than filled with regret.

buried underneath
my questions remain unknown
and so I go on.

The House Still Stands

A fear and a truth
Both realized: in one breath
the candle flickers.