Tag Archives: voice

right here, next to me

There are some days, even now nearly four years since my Dad died when I find myself thinking he is still alive. It is a fleeting moment, lasting thirty seconds or less. It lingers in the air like smoke from a snuffed out candle.

Sunday morning, not quite 2AM, an evening in with the muses talking about life and friendship, death and spirituality, family and friends. Monica and Suzie fall in and out of sleep, their voices a rolling canon of sighs punctuated by snores from our favorite pug, Jello. It’s a midnight symphony at ebb+flow headquarters.

A few minutes later, the third uberPOOL passenger in a white Elantra, I find myself zigzagging from one side of Brooklyn to the other, the sickening sweet air freshener pungent in the front seat. This road travelled is like a driving race course with every pothole and speedbump a replacment for the orange cones.

Opening the door, I am greeted with a famished hello from Finn.

In the bathroom, I change out of my street clothes into PJs, running the water to brush my teeth. The door is slightly ajar. In the white noise and ambient sounds, I almost hear my Dad shuffling down the hallway.

When we shared the same space we had this instituionalized ritual where he would ‘find me’ on his way to the washroom just as I was returning from a night out on the town. Nonchalantly, he would ask how my night was, and in this moment, I hear him asking about these friends of mine whom he has never met, and how they are doing.

I can hear the shadow of his breath, the early morning scratchiness in his voice, as if he were standing right here, next to me.

visualize your dreams

Let’s take a moment to rewind to January where I am having a conversation with one of my closest friends. Kristin and I are making plans for 2009, in our own way we’re challenging each other to make this new year about reconnecting with activities that resonate with us personally. For Kristin it’s all about dance, she dreams of reinventing herself into a Triple Threat: dancer, actress, songstress; I hope to sing, write and get back into photography.

Baby steps, I buy myself a digital SLR and start photographing myself and Tigger in a self-portrait series. Kristin leaps, enrolling at a studio run by a former dance instructor. She signs up for tap, ballet, belly dancing and three months into it her class performed at a local nursing home. 

In late January Kristin tells me about one of her fellow students, Mary Elizabeth. An accomplished opera singer, who has mentioned to Kristin that she will be offering voice lessons at the end of February. Further discussion reveals that Mary’s husband Jay is an acting coach. This news is like a gift: we are on our way. We start lessons: acting and singing for Kristin, just singing for me. Kristin now closer to achieving her Triple Threat title, and with the addition of this blog, I too am striving to fulfill my dreams for 2009.  

Coincidence? Perhaps.

I have firm belief that certain things happen for a reason. If you take the time to visualize what you want, that act alone can open a door, crack a window, offer an opportunity for your dreams to find you.

my inner voice

When I was in JHS, I attended a school for the gifted & talented. Back then my talent was voice. I sang often, mostly in church and on my own around the house, with my mom’s encouragement. Throughout my childhood schooling I was tethered to my own voice, even if I was a bit shy back then. In college, I discovered the power of my voice through creative writing and photography, I still sang in the church folk group, and throughout my 20s and 30s my creative side sang in the car and at karaoke, wrote poems and short stories and captured friends at parties and beach landscapes.

In recent years, I haven’t had much interaction with my creative side–unless you count my participation in the results of other’s endeavors. Caught up in the weeds of a traditional, and sometimes non-traditional work culture, my direct connection to all things creative (writing, photography, singing) went into hibernation. This past new year’s eve as friends and I celebrated at a karaoke bar in Philadelphia I had an epiphany: I realized that some thing missing from my daily life was my other self. Something I seriously needed to reengage and tap into: my inner voice.